Reading the River: Staying Afloat in the Choppy Waters of Family Court
Family court can feel like being thrown into a whitewater river without a paddle — disoriented, frightened, and struggling to stay upright. But what if you could learn to read the current instead of fighting against it?
In my twenties I spent a fair amount of time with my “paddle family” of white water rafters and kayakers, floating down fast-moving rivers across the United States. At first, I was terrified. It was loud, stressful, chaotic, at times it was life-threatening, and I felt completely out of control - at the mercy of the powerful river.
When I first started, I was fighting against the current as hard as I could, and still struggling to keep my head above water. Sometimes the other boaters took a ‘swim,’ but even then, they looked like they were working with the current, not against it. Once they coached me through their strategy, it all made sense. If they hadn’t been down that particular section of river, before paddling the rapids they got out of their boats and scouted it from the shore - together. Before jumping back into their boats they chatted about the best lines to use the current to their advantage, and planned rescues to ensure everyone stayed safe. They never went in blind, they always had a strategy, they always had each other’s backs. The more seasoned boaters coached the less experienced boaters, and in-turn they would eventually pass their wisdom on to others. I learned to scout, strategize, and stay steady — no matter how rough the water.
I’ll never forget the words of a silver-haired kayaker in West Virginia - “Make no mistake, the river is in control. You won’t stay dry all the time but you can learn to read the water and use it’s power to your advantage. Lean on your paddle family, you’re not alone.”
Years later, when I entered the unpredictable currents of family court, I realized how much those lessons from the river still applied.
When I divorced my abuser and entered the family court system in 2020, I felt the same as when I’d first encountered white water rapids - terrified. I was horrified to learn that domestic abuse, patterns of child neglect, and child-endangering substance abuse disorders were consistently downplayed. My abusive ex-husband was given a “pass” at almost every turn for egregious behavior and violating court orders, while I was simultaneously held to an impossibly high standard. It was an unspoken rule that I needed to behave perfectly at all times as I was swept into the raging rapids of the river of my ex’s constant chaos.
Instead of fighting against the current of my ex-husband’s non-stop chaos and a broken system, I assembled my support team and learned to leverage the power of the family court system to protect my son. I scouted unknown family court territory with my lawyer and my support team before I jumped into any situation. I learned to read the currents of the system to inform my strategy. I planned for the best outcome, and prepared for how I would protect my son and myself if something didn’t go as planned. I leaned on the advice of seasoned professionals, and protective parents who had navigated the journey before me so we could benefit from their wisdom.
Family Court Awareness Month reminds us that while the system is flawed, knowledge, community, and strategy can help protective parents navigate their way toward calmer waters. My son and I are fortunate to have the protection we do today - and I know that it’s not all based on luck. While we don’t have the full protection that we deserve, I believe our story would be different if I hadn’t applied the wisdom I learned from my paddle family, to my family court journey.
If you’re navigating the challenging waters of family court, keep learning to read the river — and remember, this community is your family. You’re not alone. 💚
You are not alone and you are stronger than the challenges before you. Your peaceful presence, love, and resilience matter more than you know.
In peace & solidarity,
Cat 🕊️
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